nausea

i feel sick to my stomach. i made an appointment for tomorrow to get pre approved for a mortgage... and i'm nervous as hell. i mean i'm excited too... don't get me wrong.

but as someone who's never bought a house before, it's nerve wracking.

i talked to my dad who said he had some money put aside to help me out.. which makes me feel better but worse at the same time. my huge pride may have to be put on the back burner for the time being, and accept his help.. at least for a down payment.. but i told him i don't want to owe him anything, and i've done a pretty good job making it on my own for a long time.

is it stupid for me to think this way?

my sister has no problem asking him for money, but i've never really asked for anything.. i've always maintained that i have to do and provide everything for myself. i put myself through college, i've never borrowed money for rent, groceries or anything... and a few times i could have really used the help but refused to ask for it.

so do i accept help? or do i protest?

dilemma.

work is wearing me out... i'm on a long stretch of days and getting up at 0500 isn't my idea of a great time.

good news is i'm off for four days now... but when i go back monday i'll be working 7 out of 9 days... ugh. All 12 hour shifts.

i don't even want to think about it right now.

so stella celebrated her 3rd birthday... we played some fetch, she had some treats and lots of belly rubbing. she's going to get groomed tomorrow and can't wait for all her hair to be gone! she's a friggin hairy beast no matter how cute and loveable she is.

watching the sens game and so far so good... 4-2 sens going into the third period.

anyway... off to see yet another hawksley workman concert this weekend. my 8th! i'm definitely a hawksley head.

doctors are fucking idiots.

and i'm a bigger idiot because i argue with them about the stupid ass decisions they make, which they never un-make, and get pissed off in the mean time.

need to learn to not let them get to me.

but at the same time, i'm not being a doormat... so i consider it a tie.

hopefully the new me to come

inspired by a couple of friends who've done really well on weight watchers, i decided to sign up. i planned my meals based on the points i'm allowed daily and headed off to the grocery store.

i bought enough for the week, and only spent about 65 bucks.

pretty good!!

my goal is to lose a total of 25- 30 lbs and then try to maintain from there. i'm not going to pressure myself on a time frame.. i just want to look and feel better.

it's true what they say about becoming comfortable in a relationship.. you start not caring what you look like and start eating unhealthy.

not that i was an overly healthy eater to begin with... but i've gained a lot of weight in the last couple of years.

so it's time to get back on track!

i'm not sure if i'm brave enough to post pictures of my progress... i may just take pics and keep them for myself for reference.

my trip to see Jess, Matty and Abby

i drove up to toronto to have a visit with my best friend Jess and my neice and nephew yesterday. being so far away means not being able to see them for months at a time.. so i try and spoil them every chance i get so i can keep my "cool aunt" status for as long as possible... abby got a pair of light up drums that you touch with your hands and they light up and play a catchy tune... and matty got a playskool digital camera that can be dropped and dropped and dropped and will still work. you can take pictures with it, and view them on the display screen and even upload them to your computer. i bought one for hunter a couple of years ago, and he really liked it. plus it should help keep matty from using jess's more expensive digital camera.

i had a really great time with the kids but as usual the time flies by, and now i'm back home. my place is a mess and i have to go and pick up my fed ex package.. i'm hoping its the sweater i ordered from Sea Shepherd Conservation Society.. if you've seen the show whale wars (one of my favourites) they are fighting to save whales from being slaughtered by the japanese. if you haven't seen shark water, or the cove.... i highly recommend them. if only i had millions of dollars to donate to charities all over the world trying to save wildlife... and domesticated animals..

bleeding heart i know.

anyhow, now back to the kiddies: how friggin' cute are they???

road trip!

I'm leaving soon for toronto to go visit jess and the kids..

I can't wait! I'm anxious to see how much abby has changed since the last time i saw her, and of course can't wait to hear some nuggets of wisdom from matty. He told me yesterday to lock my car... very sound advice if you ask me.

I went to dad's yesterday for a visit, and my sister Terri and my nephew hunter were there... hunter is very tall now, and missing a few front teeth... and as handsome as ever.

i love my kidlets.. i just wish i could see them more often.

anyhow, i have to find my camera...

frequent flyer tour

henry rollins was poignant, clever and funny last night at the bronson centre in ottawa, and talked for a mere three hours without even a sip of water.

what stamina!!

he made some digs at ann coulter which i thought were spot on and was happy to hear this morning that the she devil's appearance at the university of ottawa was cancelled thanks to an angry crowd of about 2000 protesters.

i didn't get a photo op this time, as it was well past eleven at night and ross had to work in the morning, so i settled for a signed poster and a tshirt.

can't wait for the next time he rolls into canada on his self proclaimed bon jovi mobile...

i'll be buying tickets.