so i kinda bought a house.

huh.

hope the home inspection passes!!

back and forth with sign backs on a cute little semi... finally after a couple of days, and a bit of a run around...

i put in a firm offer. that's it, that's all folks. if the lady doesn't want to take it, she can leave it.. and i'll keep looking.

not too impressed that she's not meeting me at least half way, and trying to move up the closing date to 3 weeks from now, which would mean i'd have to pay another month's rent where i am, because i have to give 60 days notice... so i only came up a thousand from my last sign back and i'm not budging on my closing date.

i have to stick to my guns.

i wouldn't mind paying a bit more but honestly, the house needs some work, and if i want to be able to afford it, i have to be smart with my money.

so i should hear back by tonight at 9pm. my gut says she doesn't except. but that's ok if she doesn't... i have nothing but time.

going to look at a couple of houses today so better get to bed...

nausea

i feel sick to my stomach. i made an appointment for tomorrow to get pre approved for a mortgage... and i'm nervous as hell. i mean i'm excited too... don't get me wrong.

but as someone who's never bought a house before, it's nerve wracking.

i talked to my dad who said he had some money put aside to help me out.. which makes me feel better but worse at the same time. my huge pride may have to be put on the back burner for the time being, and accept his help.. at least for a down payment.. but i told him i don't want to owe him anything, and i've done a pretty good job making it on my own for a long time.

is it stupid for me to think this way?

my sister has no problem asking him for money, but i've never really asked for anything.. i've always maintained that i have to do and provide everything for myself. i put myself through college, i've never borrowed money for rent, groceries or anything... and a few times i could have really used the help but refused to ask for it.

so do i accept help? or do i protest?

dilemma.

work is wearing me out... i'm on a long stretch of days and getting up at 0500 isn't my idea of a great time.

good news is i'm off for four days now... but when i go back monday i'll be working 7 out of 9 days... ugh. All 12 hour shifts.

i don't even want to think about it right now.

so stella celebrated her 3rd birthday... we played some fetch, she had some treats and lots of belly rubbing. she's going to get groomed tomorrow and can't wait for all her hair to be gone! she's a friggin hairy beast no matter how cute and loveable she is.

watching the sens game and so far so good... 4-2 sens going into the third period.

anyway... off to see yet another hawksley workman concert this weekend. my 8th! i'm definitely a hawksley head.

doctors are fucking idiots.

and i'm a bigger idiot because i argue with them about the stupid ass decisions they make, which they never un-make, and get pissed off in the mean time.

need to learn to not let them get to me.

but at the same time, i'm not being a doormat... so i consider it a tie.

hopefully the new me to come

inspired by a couple of friends who've done really well on weight watchers, i decided to sign up. i planned my meals based on the points i'm allowed daily and headed off to the grocery store.

i bought enough for the week, and only spent about 65 bucks.

pretty good!!

my goal is to lose a total of 25- 30 lbs and then try to maintain from there. i'm not going to pressure myself on a time frame.. i just want to look and feel better.

it's true what they say about becoming comfortable in a relationship.. you start not caring what you look like and start eating unhealthy.

not that i was an overly healthy eater to begin with... but i've gained a lot of weight in the last couple of years.

so it's time to get back on track!

i'm not sure if i'm brave enough to post pictures of my progress... i may just take pics and keep them for myself for reference.